I try
by I.S.O.D
Summary: Sara's point of view when Grissom rejects her in Play with Fire


Title: I Try  
Author: I.S.O.D  
Fandom: CSI  
Pairings: Grissom and Sara (kind of)  
Spoilers: Play with Fire  
Sequel/series: Nope  
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine but I would be soooo happy if they were!  
Summary: Sara's point of view when Grissom rejects her in Play with Fire

I just wanted to talk to him. I found him sitting on the corner of his desk looking through his Rolodex. He finds the card he wants. I decide to bite the bullet and let him know I'm there.

'You... got a minute?' I ask my bravado starting to slip as I look at him sitting there

He looks up and sees me leaning against the doorframe; he looks pityingly at my hand, which is bandaged because of the stitches I had to have.

He takes the card he was looking at out of the Rolodex in front of him,

'I was just leaving,' he says putting the card in his pocket.

'Yeah, the, uh, schedule says you're off tonight,' I say hoping he doesn't think I'm stalking him or anything while hoping he finally takes the hint.

'I am,' he tells me, from the look on his face he's thought the wrong thing.

'Me, too,' I tell him thinking I might as well dig my hole deep and make it even harder to get out.

'You should be on paid leave,' he points out putting his glasses in his pocket.

'I'm fine,' I smile at him, even though I can't stop the images and nightmares of the explosion playing through my mind every time I close my eyes. The way Greg flew out of the lab...

'You were fortunate. And I'm not talking about the explosion,' he says, sounding a little annoyed.

'You, uh, you talked to Brass?'

'And Nick,' he replies gathering up his things.

'We got the guy,' I state matter-of-factly, does it matter how we did it? I've already had the third degree from Brass; I don't need it from you, I think to myself.

'Is that all you have to say?' he asks walking towards me.

'Would you like to have dinner with me?' Shit! Where did that come from? I think I need a ladder to get out of this hole now. I wait hopefully for his answer.

He stops suddenly when he hears my question, looking at me. 'No.'

I feel my heart breaking as I look at him, finally realising that will happen ever again.

'Why not? Let's ... let's have dinner. Let's see what happens,' I can tell before he even says anything that I'm not going to like the answer.

'Sara... I don't know what to do about this,' he sighs.

'I do.'

He finally looks at me in the eye I see the pity. That looks feels like he's ripping my heart out of my chest. Why him? I will never understand my heart or my logic.

'You know, by the time you figure it out, you really could be too late,' I tell him quickly turning away from him before I can hear what he's going to say and before he can see the tears streaming down my face.

It seems to take forever to reach my car. I finally get there and unlock it with shaking hands, finally glad it has remote locking, I don't think I could get the key in the lock.

I clamber into the driving seat. My tears are gradually overcome by anger.

'Idiot, idiot, idiot!' I cry emphasising my words by hitting the steering wheel. I feel a searing pain in my left hand. 'Stupid fucking explosion, stupid fucking Grissom.'

The pain in my hand slowly subsides. I look out my car window and see Grissom walking towards his car. All of a sudden another car drives into the car park, it's not someone from dayshift, I never seen the number plate before. The car stops next to Grissom's and a woman steps out, she greets Grissom, not affectionately but not like she's a stranger either.

They talk, it looks like she's saying something he likes because he's smiling that smile I haven't seen that smile on him for a while, it lights up his face. Why can't I be the one making him smile?

I start the engine, finally looking away from Grissom. I decide to go and see Greg, he needs me more than Grissom does. I pull out of my parking space no longer caring what Grissom does, he doesn't care about me, this was proved today.

I switch on the radio, they're playing Macy Gray's 'I try'. Oh the irony, the song of my life.

_I try to say goodbye and I choke  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
Though I try to hide it it's clear  
My world crumbles when you are not near  
Goodbye and I choke  
I try to walk away and I stumble  
Though I try to hide it, it's clear  
My world crumbles when you are not near_


End file.
